Let’s face it: Most guys are not emotional and do not open up emotionally. Women wish they would, but the majority of them just won’t. Have you ever really wondered why? Are they afraid they will look weak? Is it just not in their genetic makeup to open up emotionally? In this newsletter, I’d like to discuss with you some reasons why men don’t open up emotionally and how you can encourage men to share their deep feelings with you more often. Physiological Reasons As we all know, men and women are born with many differences on many varying levels. One biological difference is the way men and women express feelings. When it comes to brain makeup, men’s Corpus Callosum is smaller than women’s. The Corpus Callosum is the part of the brain that allows one to think and feel simultaneously. Due to the smaller size in men, it causes men to have a more difficult time thinking and talking about emotions at the same time. In ancient times, men have been the silent hunter and provider for the family. Men learned to deal with fear and emotions by problem-solving. Men today still tend to be the primary breadwinners of families. They do experience feelings and emotions, but they are more apt to express them by engaging in a sport or screaming at the television during a football game. Men Are Simply Quiet Most men simply aren’t talkers, so they just won’t open up emotionally. Women take their silence as rejection or figure that he doesn’t care, but that is not the case. Men do have emotions and feelings, but for them to let them ooze out all over the place would make them feel weak and vulnerable. They want to come across as strong, and even when they do open up emotionally, it will not be a full-fledged outpouring like women are capable. Understand that men and women are just different in this respect, and it’s all right. Men Fear Rejection Some men fear that if they do open up emotionally, they will face rejection. Perhaps they had an experience growing up in which they faced a disappointment or unfortunate circumstance and opened up to a person who ridiculed them or told them they were a sissy. Kids in school can be quite cruel, so most male youth do their best to keep themselves together no matter what happens. Men Open Up by Performing Actions If your man doesn’t get all mushy with you when it comes to feelings of love, don’t take it personally. For most men, it does not even cross their mind to sit down with you and discuss their emotions. They are trained since childhood to hold emotions in and keep it under control. Be strong and deal with life as a man as it comes. They may say, “I love you” sometimes, but if you are expecting long speeches about their undying love for you, you will be disappointed. Men tend to express their love through actions, such as giving gifts, taking care of their woman’s car, or watching a chick flick. They also like to express their love by planning a vacation or going out to dinner. Look to see what actions your guy may be performing that you are overlooking. They could be a sign of his love. How You Can Help First of all, don’t expect your man to be like a woman when it comes to opening up about emotions. Most guys, when asked how they are feeling, will answer, “I’m good,” and that is really all they want to share. When women start prodding and nagging, it does not make them want to share anything more; it actually pushes them away and causes them to shut down emotionally. Refrain from statements and questions like: * Are you sure you’re OK? Rest assured that if your man wants to open up emotionally, he will when he is ready. Give him time to think about what he is feeling. He may need some process time. Let him know that you are always available to listen to him if he wants to open up. Then really listen to him. Don’t try to fix him or the issue; just listen and empathize. Let him know that he is still a strong and successful man even if he shares his feelings with you. It is critical that he feels heard and supported or he won’t continue to share. Remember, men and women communicate differently, and men are more apt to mull over their feelings in their mind rather than release them. Accept the difference, and do your best to support your man, regardless if he meets your expectations or not. I hope you have found this newsletter helpful and that you are enjoying your journey to becoming whole in every way. If you haven’t already, make sure you check out James Bauer’s new video: |
