It’s been a few days, why didn’t he call you?

We’ve all been there – thinking the first date went so well and then never hearing from him again.  You’re left wondering what you did or said that turned him off or just assuming he’s a complete jerk for leaving you in the lurch.  The truth behind his reaction may be simpler than you think.  First dates are a big deal and often we are so busy trying to make them perfect that they are completely mishandled on both sides.

Was it me? Or him?

First off, if he doesn’t call back it isn’t necessarily because you were a lousy date or because he has no manners.  Just take a deep breath and relax rather than getting yourself all worked up over it.  Then consider this simple fact: men and women are wired differently and this means we tend to approach the first date differently.  The problems that have led you to wonder why he stopped calling very likely stem from this essential difference and our tendency not to recognize it.

Women are generally long-term thinkers.  For us, a first date is about making a good impression so that he will want to continue to see you and potentially begin a long-term relationship.   This can lead to putting an exceptional amount of stress on every little detail of the date as you start planning an entire life.  Why didn’t he call you?  It could be that he picked up on these feelings and they made him panic because he was not ready to go down that road.

Let me hear your body talk…

In contrast, men are very physical.  Like it or not, his approach to the date is probably more about sex than romance.  While you’re planning a life, he’s planning how to get you in bed.  He’ll be noticing how you look, how you smell, whether you seem really into him and if he doesn’t call, it’s probably because the answer he got was a no.  This isn’t to say that all men are dogs, just that they are wired to respond with their senses, while women tend to respond with their heart.

What did you do?

Often the answer to why he stopped calling is because somewhere along the line your signals got crossed and it has made him back away.  That’s not necessarily your fault, nor is it his.  It’s a common mistake that many people make and most experts say it is the primary reason that first dates end without further contact.  So if you’re wondering what it means if he doesn’t call, you may want to rethink your approach to a first date.

Why didn’t he call? 

Rather than fretting over this question, maybe you should be asking yourself what can I do to make sure he does call?  It’s not as difficult as you think.  The most important thing to remember is not to put so much pressure on this one date, for either him or yourself.  The more crucial you make it, the more likely it is to end in disaster as one or both of you end up trying too hard.

Try to keep things relaxed

Doing something fun like going to a movie or even a ballgame can be a good idea rather than making it all about romance.  In a more casual setting, you can both be yourselves more easily and that can make for a better night.  That way you won’t have to worry about why he stopped calling and you can concentrate on getting to know each other and being comfortable together so that phone call will be more likely to occur.

Playing hard to get never works

While you never want to throw yourself at him, pushing him away can be dangerous too.  Men don’t like a tease and if you do it too much, he’ll become tired of it and lose interest.  If he doesn’t call, then you’ll know that your “hard to get” became too complicated to bother with.  Always make sure he knows that you’re interested, through subtle signs like a smile or a glance or a flirtatious kiss.  You want to leave him wanting more so that not calling back isn’t even an option.

Don’t agonize over it

Why didn’t he call?  If you really want it to lead to more, then take a subtle approach to that first date and don’t put so much pressure on yourself or him.  You’ll both come out of it feeling better that way.