Let’s face it, breaking up is never easy. For most people, falling in love is the ultimate thrill ride and when it happens you tend to throw yourself into the relationship heart and soul, so to have it suddenly come crashing down around you is bound to really, really hurt.
If you’ve found yourself in this position then you are hardly alone and there is no reason to be embarrassed about it. It happens to everyone at one time or another, but the important thing to remember is that those feelings don’t last forever.
No matter how painful it may be, it is perfectly possible to get over the pain of a breakup and get on with your life. It may not seem so simple in the initial days and even weeks after a breakup, but you can find your way through it.
The first step is to own your feelings…you don’t need to explain yourself or make excuses; you have every right to feel the way you do.
At the same time, you don’t want those feelings to become all-encompassing. Here are some tips you can follow to help you overcome the pain of a breakup and move on:
1. Make Sure It’s A Clean Break – this can be very hard for some people. It’s all too tempting to hold on to the belief that you can fix whatever went wrong and make it work this time. Sometimes, though, breakups are just meant to happen. No matter how much you may have felt like this was “the one” and you were meant to be, it just may not be the case.
In order to truly get past the pain and get back on your feet again, you need to face that reality and make a clean break from your ex.
“It’s sad how someone can go from being the reason you wake up smiling to the reason you cry yourself to sleep.”– Isabel
Erase his number from your phone, stop calling or texting, and just accept the fact that it didn’t work. Keeping that flame lit will just expose you to being hurt so the sooner you face the reality of the situation, the sooner you will be able to begin healing.
2. Admit Your Own Faults – as much as we’d all like to blame everything on the other person, any time two people are together chances are good that they’ll both make some missteps along the way.
You may not want to admit what you may have done to contribute to the breakup but it’s important to do so. This is how you can learn and grow as a person and, more importantly, avoid making those same mistakes again in the future.
If you never admit to your own faults, you’ll be doomed to repeat them and likely doomed to experience a breakup again.
3. Allow Yourself To Cry – this is one of the hardest things for many people to do, but it’s an extremely important part of the healing process. Crying is often seen as a sign of weakness, particularly for men who are programmed from birth to keep their emotions inside. In fact, a good cry can be a real emotional release, allowing you to let out all of that pent-up pain.
For most people, the natural instinct is to keep their pain bottled up or pretend that it doesn’t exist. All this does is allow that pain to eat away at you from the inside, which just makes it even worse. The sooner you can let it out, the better off you’ll be.
So put on a sad song, watch a sappy move or whatever else it takes to make the process easier on you and just let those tears out. You’ll probably discover a new sense of freedom as you are released from the emotional chains that have been binding you to your broken relationship.
4. Don’t Be So Quick To Rebound – one of the popular misconceptions about breakups is that it’s like falling off a horse and you just need to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and get right back in there again. For some people, jumping right back into the dating scene really is the best medicine and that’s fine, but you shouldn’t have to feel like it’s a requirement.
There’s nothing wrong with taking your time and allowing yourself room to breathe. In fact, if you can take the time to process what went wrong you’ll be much less likely to repeat your mistakes.
Rushing into a rebound relationship too quickly after a breakup can do a disservice to both you and the other person, so you really need to think carefully before you make that choice.
5. Keep Busy – this one is no big secret; the best way to get your mind off the pain is by distracting it with something else.
Throw yourself into the things that you love…spend time with your family, enjoy your hobbies, take a trip that you’ve always wanted to go on. Even starting a new book or going to the movies with your friends can be a good distraction. The key here is doing things that don’t constantly remind you of your ex.
The more time you spend doing things and having fun, the less you’ll be wallowing in self-pity and obsessing over what went wrong.
6. Indulge In A Makeover – changing your hairstyle or buying yourself a new outfit can go a long way toward lifting your spirits. It may also help you to cut ties with your ex by changing up the way you looked when you were together. This doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with the way you looked, it’s just a way of stepping back and getting a fresh start.
If you lived with your ex, you may want to extend that makeover to your home. Rearrange the furniture, paint a room, get new bedding or pictures, anything that lets you look at your place and not instantly think of your former relationship.
No matter what particular steps you take to overcome your pain, the important thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong when it comes to dealing with a breakup. It’s a very personal experience and, more importantly, it’s a significant loss, just like being fired or losing a loved one.
As with any other loss, there is no one way to approach it and no time limit on your reaction. Everyone processes loss differently and you should never feel the need to apologize for your own reaction.
One of the biggest mistakes that most people make when dealing with a breakup up is not giving themselves enough time. For some reason, many of us assume that the quicker you get back out there again, the easier it will be to put the breakup behind you but that’s not always the case.
Often it may be necessary to take your time, assess what went wrong and allow yourself the opportunity to start healing before you jump into another relationship.
If that’s the case for you, don’t worry about it, it’s perfectly normal. There is nothing wrong with wanting to take things slowly and be sure of yourself before you get back to dating.
You should never feel the need to justify yourself or explain away your feelings, they are yours and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. Would you try and tell someone how to “properly” grieve the loss of a loved one? If your answer is no, then why should grieving the loss of what was an important relationship be any different?
Sometimes talking can be a good way to work through the pain.
If you have a good friend or family member who is willing to be your sounding board, it can be a cathartic experience to talk things over or just to get things off your chest. Again, as with crying, this can allow you to release that pain rather than carrying it around with you indefinitely and allowing it to have even more of an impact on you. This may be your first step toward regaining your footing and starting that all-important healing process.
If you can’t bring yourself to talk about it, then you need to find some other type of outlet. The ultimate goal is to rid yourself of the pain and allow yourself to move on. This may not seem possible in the initial moments after a breakup when the pain is fresh and that just may be the case.
It might take you some time before you get to a point where you finally feel as if you can put that failed relationship behind you and that’s perfectly fine. When you get to that point, you’ll know and be able to do what it takes to reclaim your life.
Ending a relationship can be extremely painful but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. It is perfectly possible to get past it, go on and live a wonderful, fulfilling life, and, yes, maybe even to fall in love again.