How to win your ex back is something many women have wondered about.  It can be a tricky proposition.  The fact is that no matter how much you may love your ex, he may not want to get back with you.  But by the same token, he may not realize just how much he really does want to be with you.  Winning him back is not about knocking him over the head and dragging him back into the relationship, it’s about re-connecting and beginning a whole new relationship, one that you both want to be in.

Sounds simple right?  Unfortunately, it’s anything but.  Especially since in most cases you start thinking about how to get your ex back immediately after the breakup, when your emotions are the most raw.  That’s the worst possible to time to try and take any serious action because you are simply not ready for it.  The breakup of a relationship, especially a long term relationship, is like any other loss and you need to give yourself time to grieve and time to come up for air.

That’s the most important part of getting back with an ex…not rushing into it.  If you immediately start bombarding him with texts, emails, Facebook posts and phone calls begging to get back together you’ll just end up looking needy and no man is attracted to a needy woman.  He doesn’t want someone who is clingy and desperate and he’s likely to just pull even further away.  So even though your instinct is telling you to run after him right away, you need to do just the opposite.  How to win your ex back is through patience and persistence, not eagerness and desperation.

At the same time, if you really want to know how to get your ex back, don’t just cave in to him either.  Becoming a doormat by going out of your way to please him isn’t any more flattering than that picture of the desperate woman madly working her phone.  Showering him with affection, constantly telling him how wonderful he is, is equally a mistake.  Again, you’re just showing him that you can’t stand on your own two feet and that won’t make him want to come back.

How to win your ex back is all about forming a plan and sticking to it, no matter how long it takes.  The first part of that plan is the hardest…staying away from him.  Even though every fiber of your being may be telling you to run after him, the truth is that in order to get him back you need to let him go.  A cooling off period will help both of you to clear your heads and put things in perspective.  You can take the time to get a better idea of who you are and what your relationship is and whether it’s really something worth pursuing.

The length of that cooling off period can vary from couple to couple, but ideally it should be no shorter than a month.  That may seem like a lot of time and you’re probably thinking well won’t he forget about me?  The answer is usually no.  He’s probably missing you more than you realize and the longer you stay away, the more he’ll come to realize just how much he wants you back, so it works to your advantage.  No one ever said getting back with an ex was easy, but if the relationship really is right, then it will be well worth the effort.

Now here’s the real kicker…the cooling off period, in order to truly serve its intended purpose, must include NO contact whatsoever between you.  As hard as that may be to grasp, any successful plan for how to get your ex back must include some time away from each other.  As the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder.  That’s actually the case more often than not.  And if he does grow apart from you during the cooling off period than it’s obvious the relationship didn’t mean as much to him as it did to you.

Once you’ve cooled off, then you can resume contact but do so slowly and gently.  How to win your ex back never includes hitting him over the head, either before or after the cooling off period.  The idea is to make him realize what he’s been missing and want it back again.  This also means that you need to use the cooling off period to enjoy your life.  You don’t want to look like a mess when you contact him again or you’ll risk turning him off.  So take that time for you, do something nice for yourself, and then try and start your relationship again on a positive note.  If you can manage all of that, then you’ll have a pretty good shot at not just winning him back, but keeping him this time!