We, humans, are complex beings and nowhere is that truer than when it comes to love and romance. 

When the heart is involved, everything is thrown for a loop. 

It’s difficult to explain what makes two people fall in love or why some relationships just seem to work and others don’t.  That’s the nature of human emotions. 

Yet the questions and doubts just never seem to go away, so we still find ourselves wondering about it.

Even if you’re fortunate enough to find yourself in a healthy, stable relationship, you might still ask your guy how he knew you were the one. 

What made him choose you? 

If you’ve ever asked that question, you probably noticed that his reaction was strikingly similar to a deer in the headlights.  That’s not because he doesn’t love you, it’s more likely because he honestly doesn’t know how to explain it. 

That’s not a cop-out; it’s hard to put your finger on something so ethereal, so subjective.  

That said there are certain qualities that may make a guy think, “She could be the one”. 

  1. She Allows Him His Freedom – Probably the most common response when men are questioned on their fear of commitment is that they don’t want to feel tied down or imprisoned. Guys like to be guys, to hang out with the boys, play golf, go fishing, watch sports.  Sure, he also wants to spend time with his significant other but he wants to feel like he can do those other things without having to answer for every moment of his time.  If he feels like you’re being a prison warden rather than a girlfriend, he’s likely to balk big time, but if you are comfortable enough to give him his freedom without complaining that’s going to send up a major flare that this could be someone to get serious about.
  2. No Need For Change – Falling in love with someone means falling for them as they are, with all of their little quirks and idiosyncrasies. If there is any indication from either side that they are trying to change their partner into something else that is a big indication that they aren’t meant to be together.  He doesn’t want you trying to make him into something he’s not and at the same time, he shouldn’t be trying to change you to fit some ideal.   If he finds someone that is comfortable with him just the way he is he’s much more likely to feel like he could get serious about her.
  3. She Gives Him Support – Even though they don’t always like to admit it, men are fragile and need support and encouragement. If he’s struggling through something, whether it’s stress at work or his favorite team losing, he needs to know that the woman in is life is there for him and understands.  If you can provide that kind of loving, thoughtful encouragement he’s much more likely to consider you a keeper.  That doesn’t mean that he wants you to coddle him, though.  He’s looking for a partner, not a mother, and as important as that encouragement is, it also needs to come with a healthy dose of motivation.  He needs you to challenge him and help him to feel better about himself.  Those are all things that can affect a man’s feelings for you. 
  4. Marriage Talk Is No Problem – Men have an innate tendency to be afraid of commitment, so talking about things like marrying and settling down usually makes them break into a sweat. So if you notice that your guy seems to feel perfectly comfortable talking marriage, that’s a really good sign that he’s seriously considering if you may be the one.  Of course, as a rule, men won’t bring up those kinds of conversations themselves so you’ll have to test the waters and see what his reaction is.  If he doesn’t shut down or worse, run in the opposite direction, then you’ve probably got a good thing going.
  5. He’s Looking For Quality Time There’s nothing like the feeling of being in love, so spending time together when you’re in that hearts and flowers stage is a snap. But there is more to a healthy long-term relationship than that first spark of romance.  Most long-term couples will readily tell you that they are also best friends, and that’s important.  In order for a relationship to work, the two partners should want to be together, just spending time in each other’s company.  If your guy feels comfortable with you and clearly wants to spend time with you, that’s a good sign that he’s really serious about you.
  6. He Wants To Share Things With Her – Yes, he needs support when he’s down or struggling, but if he also wants to share the good stuff with you, that’s a pretty good indicator that he’s serious. If he rushes to share good news with you or just texts you to share a great joke he just heard, that means that your opinion matters to him and that things feel better when he shares them with you.  That’s a type of connection that he’s not likely to feel with just anyone, so you should feel good about it.
  7. She Can Make Him Laugh – Most guys will tell you that there is nothing sexier than a good sense of humor. So if you can make him laugh, you’re on the right track.  The better the connection between two people, the better they know each other and that means you know just what to do to make him smile.  If you two have your own “in” jokes that nobody else gets, that’s even better because it means you’re developing a whole new level of intimacy.
  8. She Shows Interest In Things He Likes – Part of showing him support is taking an interest in the things he likes, even if they aren’t your first choice. It’s not about the interest itself; it’s showing the person in your life that they matter enough for you to get enthused right along with them.  That will definitely get his attention and if he returns the favor then chances are he’s feeling a strong connection to you as well. 
  9. There’s No Drama – You’ve probably noticed by now but men hate having to explain every little thing and nobody likes to feel like they’re always being judged. If your relationship is free of all of that outside drama and you’re not dealing with things like jealousy and questions about commitment that means you’re doing something right.  The more comfortable he is with you, the more likely he is to feel that you’re the one for him.
  10. Family Doesn’t Shake Him – Naturally, one of the big challenges in any long-term commitment is the fact that you’re not just letting one person into your life you’re also letting the rest of their family in too. If he can do that and feel comfortable around them and if he makes an effort to incorporate you into his family too, that means he’s likely in it for the long haul.  

Of course, feelings are subjective so what works for one man may not necessarily work for another, but these are pretty common traits that most men look for when they want to get serious about a woman.  If you’re ticking off at least some of these qualities, than you’re probably in pretty good shape but don’t expect him to tell you if you are.  Most of the time, men have a hard time putting into words exactly what made them fall for a particular woman and that’s perfectly fine.

It’s important to remember that men often have a hard time sharing their feelings with you.  It just doesn’t come as easily for them as it does for women.  So you need to be patient with your guy and try not to push the issue. 

Realize that the need for reassurance is more about a lack of self-confidence on your part than any problem with the relationship.  You may need to feel like you’ve got some value to him but that doesn’t mean that there’s actually a cause for concern, so try not to panic and if you do ask and he can’t immediately give you an answer, don’t assume that something is wrong.

When it comes right down to it, finding “the one” is not something that can be easily explained or quantified.  It’s one of those nagging, frustrating, and yet wonderful mysteries of life.   The most common answer to what makes someone “the one” is that you just know, and knowing and explaining are two different things that don’t always go hand in hand, especially for men.  More often than not, the heart just knows what it wants and there is no rational way of verbalizing it.  If you know what signs to look for, though, you can rest assured that you and your guy were meant to be.