How commitment works for men is something any woman who has ever dated has probably wondered. Men never seem to be as serious about relationships as women do, they don’t fantasize about the house with the picket fence, two kids and a dog the way women do. They tend to take their time getting around to committing; dragging their feet as women see it. But when you consider things from their perspective it might open up your eyes a bit to exactly what is going on in their heads.
Commitment phobia is a common condition, mostly displayed by men. Interestingly, though, in today’s world where more and more women are establishing high-powered careers for themselves, it is creeping up among women too. That’s because when you’ve got a life that you’ve worked hard to put together it can be downright terrifying to consider turning it all on end for another person. That’s where fear of commitment comes from and in most cases, it’s nothing personal, it’s an emotional gut reaction.
Entering into a committed relationship is a huge step for anyone and that includes men. How commitment works for men is usually something along the lines of giving up your solitary life, giving up the possibility of sex with anyone else, and tying up your entire financial status to another person. While women tend to think about the positives, men are more likely to take a “what’s in it for me” approach, and when it comes to choosing one person, those options are naturally narrowed down drastically.
But it’s a wonderful, romantic idea – being so in love with someone that you can’t imagine living without them – what could be so bad about it? That’s true, but for most men, particularly those suffering from commitment phobia, it’s hard to see it that way. They’re more prone to see that they’ll be splitting their assets, sharing their bed and no longer sowing their wild oats. A fear of commitment springs from focusing on all of the things that you’re giving up rather than on the things you may be gaining, and honestly, that’s just a function of human nature.
Men enjoy their freedom; they like to feel that they are in control of their world. How commitment works for men, then, is to make them give up a little of that freedom, or sometimes a lot of it, for a little bit of pleasure along the way. You’d like to think that you should be prize enough to compensate for all of that and, deep down, if he really loves you and he’s being honest with himself, he knows you are. But getting his head and his heart on the same page isn’t always that easy.
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it just means that he’s not as ready to rush headlong into something serious. He needs time to get over his commitment phobia and realize that there is actually a very big plus side to finding your perfect match. If you’re unfortunate enough to be with a guy who is sporting a major fear of commitment, then you need to be patient. Let him come around in his own time.
How commitment works for men is most definitely never by force. No matter how well-intentioned you may be, you cannot force him into it. If he truly loves you, he will eventually come around. Being patient and letting him take his own time will go a lot further than trying to bash him over the head with the idea of taking the plunge. In fact, that may only reinforce his feeling that commitment is not the way to go.
It’s not easy to consider, but when you’re dealing with commitment phobia, patience is the key. Try to be understanding and try to give him his space. And most definitely don’t jump into discussing the subject too early in your relationship. That can be a major red flag for someone with a fear of commitment. The sooner you start talking about settling down the more likely he is to panic and bolt for the nearest exit. Slow and steady, as they say, wins the race.
You need to realize that being hesitant to commit isn’t anything personal. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it just means that he’s scared to take that next step. How commitment works for men is definitely not the same as it is for women and you need to bear that in mind if you want your relationship to successfully make it to that next level.
