You’ve found a great guy and settled into a healthy, happy relationship. You feel like you’re walking on the clouds and you just know this is the one.
So you do what most women in this situation would do and start bringing up talk of marriage, family and the future only to see him suddenly do an about face and pull away.
Up until that moment he may have seemed perfectly content too but now he’s looking for the nearest exit and can’t get there fast enough.
What exactly did you do wrong? Why does the mere thought of being in a committed relationship make so many men break into a rash?
There is nothing wrong with wanting that happily ever after moment, but you need to realize that you and your man may not have the same opinion on the subject.
Men seem to have a natural aversion to commitment and rather than take them to task over it, you might be able to help matters if you try to look at things from their perspective.
With that in mind, here are a few of the reasons that men fear commitment:
- Commitment = Imprisonment – It’s irrational, we know, but for
guysthe idea of “settling down” means having to give up their freedom to do the things they love. No more hanging out with the guys, playing poker, playing video games or watching sports, they’ll have to live by someone else’s rules and that can just seem confining.
- They Like Variety – While settling down with one man for the rest of your life gives most women a sense of comfort and security, the same can’t be said for men. Guys enjoy variety in their sex lives and the thought of only having sex with one woman for the rest of his life may scare him off. Though many guys will eventually come around and enjoy having a close relationship with just one woman, it can take some getting used to and for some
guysit may be hard to get past.
- Men Want To Be The Hunter – This goes back to the caveman
days,when men took on the role of hunting and providing for their mates. Today’s men still want to be the dominant ones in a relationship so when you start to go “commitment crazy” on him, constantly texting him and grilling him on his every move that can send up red flags. No guy wants to feel like he’s the prey and the more aggressive you get about it, the more he’s likely to balk at the idea of settling down with you.
- He May Not Be Sure You’re The One – Guys tend to take longer to find their ideal mate. Chances are he’s already thought he’s found “the one” only to be disappointed, so when the idea of commitment comes up with you his first instinct may be to panic, assuming that this is just going to be a false alarm too. Be patient and give him time and he’s likely to come around on his own.
- He’s Worried You’ll Turn Into His Mother – Sure everyone loves their mother, but that doesn’t mean they want to end up being married to her. When he hears you talking commitment your guy might be worried that you’ll suddenly start telling him what to do and judging his every move and that’s enough to put anyone off. He may even be hearing as much from his married buddies so their voices will be conflicting with yours.
- He Doesn’t Know If He Can Provide For You – Money is a common issue in troubled relationships and there’s a good reason for it. Men want to be seen as the provider but they can also worry about whether they can provide financially. He may feel that you’ll be expecting him to take care of you once you commit to each other and he’s not sure that he can.
- He Sees Your Sex Life Ending – It’s fairly common knowledge that the more comfortable a couple becomes with each other, the less often they have sex. So when you start talking commitment he might see it as a sign that your sex life is going to grind to a halt and that may put him off.
- He Fears Change – This is one that you should be able to understand pretty easily because it is human nature to fear change. We all have a problem with it, and men are no different. Giving up everything you’ve ever known for a new and unfamiliar experience is never easy and it may give your guy cause for concern.
- The Idea of A Baby Freaks Him Out – When it comes to commitment, that usually leads to talk of marriage and children and no matter how much we’d like to think otherwise, taking care of babies is not something that comes naturally to most guys. So if you’re bringing up discussion of a family it could be making him break into a sweat.
- He’s Afraid He Can’t Take Care Of You – A big part of what makes him feel like a man is being able to take care of you, not just financially but emotionally. He wants you to feel like you’re being protected and tended to and he may not be sure that he’s up to the challenge. In
timethat may change but that’s something he needs to figure out for himself.
- He’s Just Not Mature Enough Yet – Making a commitment takes a lot of maturity and guys tend to mature at a slower rate than women. So while you may feel like you’re ready to take that big step, he may honestly just need a little more time to come into his own. If he’s able to admit to you that he’s not mature enough for a commitment yet, that’s a good thing but it means that you’ll have to decide if you’re willing to wait for him to finish growing up first.
- He Sees That You’re Not Happy – Often, women who are not happy in their relationship see commitment as a way of correcting that problem but just because you feel that way doesn’t mean he does too. He’s more likely to feel that if he can’t make you happy now, he’s not going to be able to do it once you commit to each other and that’s likely to make him back off.
- He Fears Divorce – It’s a statistical fact that half of
marriagesend in divorce and for men that equates with failure and no man likes to think that he has failed. Marriage takes hard work and maturity and he may be afraid that he doesn’t have what it takes to make one work. If that’s the case, thanhe’d probably prefer to avoid that rather than end up feeling like a failure.
- He Had A Traumatic Childhood – If he came from a troubled background, chances are he’s got a
built infear of replicating his parents’ mistakes. Whether there was abuse or simple incompatibility in play, it can leave him feeling gun shy. Even if he feels comfortable with you, he may still be worried that your good thing could turn bad and he’ll go to any length to avoid feeling that pain again.
- He Doesn’t Want To Lose His Identity – Often, men believe that once they commit to a woman she’ll begin trying to mold him into her ideal rather than accepting him for who he is. Giving up your identity is never easy and it can be enough to make men shy away from the idea of commitment. If you truly love someone you should never try to change them into something they’re not. You fell in love with him the way he is, let him know that you want him to stay that way even after you commit to each other.
As you can see, there may be a lot more to his fear of commitment than you might have realized. If you truly do care about him and want the relationship to work, then you’ll need to have a lot of patience and understanding. Rather than just reacting in anger or frustration and writing off his feelings as mere excuses, you need to cut him a little slack and try to see things from his viewpoint. If you can do that, you’ll have a much better chance of getting that happy ending you’re craving.
The important thing to remember is that every relationship takes some work and this is where that work begins. While men may have commitment issues, most of them eventually come around in their own time and when they do they are ready to put as much into the relationship as you are. The result will be a healthier and happier relationship for both of you, one with a great chance of lasting for the long haul.