Breaking up is never easy, especially when you’ve invested time and emotions in a relationship and you felt like it was serious. Even if you were just beginning to get more serious it can really hurt to suddenly have things fall apart.
If you’re like most people in that situation, you’re probably scratching your head and trying to figure out what went wrong. You may even be hoping that there might be some way that you can get back together.
No matter how much you may want to rekindle things, it will be impossible to do so if he doesn’t feel the same way. Unfortunately, it can be hard to know just how he feels because men are notoriously bad at expressing their feelings, even when things are going well.
But just because he’s not coming right out and saying it, that doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t want you back.
As difficult as it may seem, you need to be aware of the signs he may be sending out that he secretly wants you back:
He’s Revisiting The Breakup and Trying To Work on Things – If a breakup is particularly painful you might both want to forget about it and put it behind you and that would certainly be understandable. If you’re still talking after your breakup, though, then he may be sending you some distinct signs that he’s open to getting back together; starting with discussing what went wrong in the first place. Since most men loathe to examine their flaws, the fact that he’s actively discussing how things went bad may actually mean that he’s sorry for having hurt you and wants to understand exactly how he went wrong.
Of course, this doesn’t apply if he digs for explanations only to turn around and place the blame on you, but if he seems genuinely empathetic and open to correcting his mistakes then it’s pretty likely he’s thinking of getting back together with you. Even better is if he actively begins working on changing the things that you identify as his problem areas.
This is a pretty big indicator because it shows that he genuinely cares about how he hurt you and wants to do better. If he didn’t actually care about getting back together with you he wouldn’t be taking the time to make such an effort.
He’s Keeping In Contact And Talking About The Good Times – Again, the more harsh the breakup, the less likely he is to want to stay in contact afterward, so if he’s still making an attempt to call, text or stay in contact it’s a pretty good sign that he wants to get back together.By moving away from someone with whom you’ve had a bitter breakup, you can make a clean break, put the hurt out of your mind and focus on creating new experiences. It’s a natural human instinct.
Staying in contact, then, means that he isn’t quite content with that breakup and perhaps wants to keep things going. When he does talk to you, if he makes a point of talking about the good times you shared and the things that made your relationship work, that’s a significant sign that he’s missing what you had and wants to rekindle that flame. If he’s talking about the good times then it means he’s also thinking about them, something he wouldn’t bother to do if he just wanted to write you off for good.
Plus, people don’t usually miss things that were unpleasant, so if he’s missing what you had, then it means it was important to him. Perhaps even important enough to try and rebuild.
He’s Discussing His Future With You – No matter how amicable a breakup may be, chances are that you won’t want to discuss the future with someone who doesn’t appear to figure into it anymore. That’s why this is such a big indicator that he secretly wants to get back together. We’ve already determined that staying in touch and talking frequently are positive signs, but if he actually talks to you about his future that stands out even more. It means he cares enough about you to trust you with his future plans or even ask for your advice.
If he takes it one step further and includes you in those future plans then chances are he’s throwing some major hints that you still matter to him and he wants to be with you. Planning for the future isn’t something you do with a friend, no matter how good, it’s generally something you save for that special someone.
So even if things didn’t seem to work out, if he’s still talking about the future and you’re part of the picture, then you can be fairly sure that he’s secretly thinking of getting back together.
Of course, these are just a few of the signs you should look for to determine whether your ex actually wants you back. There may be other things that hint at his true feelings, so try and keep an open mind when you’re interacting with him. This is particularly important because he may not even be aware of just how deeply his feelings run.
That’s the thing about romantic feelings, you can’t always control them and that means you can’t always control how you react to them.
Sing it with Me…
Whether you can predict or control your feelings, that doesn’t make them any less genuine. There’s a reason why, as the song says, breaking up is hard to do. That’s because the feelings sparked by romance are so very powerful and all-encompassing.
Snort Some Love
It’s very similar to the hold that any kind of addictive substance can have over you, and just as addicts can go through emotionally and even physically painful withdrawal, so too can romantic partners when they suddenly find themselves cut off from the very thing that had made them feel so good.
This explains why so often after a breakup you can feel yourself craving the presence and attention of your ex. Though this kind of strong emotional reaction to a breakup is usually attributed to women, statistics show that men are just as prone to these emotional extremes; they just may not know how to adequately express them.
So, simply put, if you’re feeling that you can’t live without your ex, chances are pretty good that he’s feeling the same way about you.
Me Thinks Thou Doth Protest Too Much
The period after a breakup can be confusing and frustrating so if you’re trying to figure out where you stand and whether he might actually want you back, that’s pretty natural. When you’re trying to assess his position and determine if you might still have a chance you need to keep an open mind about things. Even if you’re getting some pretty strong signals that he’s over you that may not be the truth. Often, the louder someone protests then chances are that they mean the exact opposite of what they’re saying.
Is He Apathetic?
In terms of a romantic relationship that has ended this can be an even trickier path to walk, but again there are indicators you can look for, one of which may not seem so obvious. If your ex is declaring up and down that he hates you and wants nothing to do with you then your natural inclination would probably be to take him at his word and accept what he’s saying. That’s understandable, but it’s likely exactly the wrong approach to take, for the simple reason that it’s probably not true.
While most people assume that the opposite of love is hate, that’s actually a fallacy. In fact, the opposite of love is apathy, not caring at all. If he was really over you, he wouldn’t care one way or another what you were doing and whether you had moved on.
If he’s summoning up enough passion to declare that he hates you then chances are that he actually does still have feelings for you and if you play your cards right then, despite his protests, you might still be able to get him back.
It’s never easy to deal with a breakup and sometimes your best option is truly just to walk away and move on to something else, but if you genuinely feel like you and your ex were meant to be then you need to look for any signs that he feels the same way. If those feelings still exist on his part than it may well be possible for you to rekindle what you once had.
It’s important that you tread carefully, as pushing the point when he’s not really open to it will only make matters worse, but if the signs are there then you may be able to test the waters and see what happens.
Remember, even if he’s giving all the indications that he’s over you, if he’s still paying attention, making an effort to contact you and even trying to change, then you can be pretty sure that he secretly wants you back.